


Here For You

by S_EER (Fritiriel)



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: E.D., First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-28
Updated: 2012-10-28
Packaged: 2017-11-17 05:44:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/548239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fritiriel/pseuds/S_EER
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sean has a serious problem; Elijah is there for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here For You

Another long day, another set of interviews where the same questions chased each other in Rings. _Ha!_ It had been funny the first time one of them cracked it, then got old, then became the standard way they described press junkets attached to the movies: Ringchases. The whole thing wore thin when you’d answered the same question thirty times for thirty different magazine articles you’d never see; when even auto-pilot couldn’t stop the tension in the back of your neck and the weird disorientation of faces that changed and questions that didn't; when you couldn't remember what you'd answered, sentence before last, but you knew it would be right on message because you knew your lines so well.

The only good thing was Sean being there too. 

They'd been too busy with other projects for more than quick calls or emails recently, but now Elijah finally had the chance to talk to Sean alone. He invited him up for a drink when they escaped to the hotel after a corporate dinner they could both have done without - wall-to-wall minor New Line executives, and not a thought amongst the lot of them that didn’t involve a profit. 

He was determined to find out why Sean was looking so drained these days. Even if he did have to push the desire down into the section of his mind marked _No Go._

 _How the fuck can you work with someone for so long, closer to him than anyone else_ ever _, and only realize you're in love, when suddenly you_ can’t _see him every day? You_ really _bought into Pete’s view of the love between Frodo and Sam just being ‘I am here for you’ didn’t you, Elwood? You missed the main drag by a mile!_

‘C’mon in, Sean. Chill. Give that massive brain a rest.’ 

But it was not so easy to be flippant, when Sean dropped his jacket on the nearest chair and splayed out on the couch, eyes closed and obviously exhausted. Not just that, though, not just that he looked so weary - he had an intense inward focus that screamed _unhappy_ to someone who loved him as Elijah loved him.

‘I’ll get us something to drink.’

He clicked on a random Cold Play track - only loud enough to ease the silence - and filled glasses from the bottle of white wine he’d ordered up, in case he got this chance. He nudged Sean, handing him a glass, then sat next to him on the couch – far enough for privacy, if Sean wanted it, near enough for the empathy Elijah needed.

‘What’s up?’ He leaned back and sprawled as Sean had.

‘Nothing.’ Sean gave him a tired almost-smile, and quickly sipped at the wine. His eyebrows went up. ‘Good stuff!’

‘Because you're worth it!’ Elijah gave it just the right touch of mockery; Sean didn’t have to know how much he meant it. ‘Nothing, huh?’

Sean was silent.

‘You know,’ Elijah said mildly, ‘for such a good actor, you’re a pretty lousy liar, Sean.’

‘Well, nothing you need to worry about. I can handle it.’ But his voice didn’t sound too sure, and his fingers were restless on the stem of his glass.

‘It might be easier with the two of us.’

‘You don’t need to be bothered with my shit.’ 

‘Like you were never bothered with mine? C’mon Sean. What happened to all the ‘closer than brothers’ stuff – you didn’t mean it?’ 

‘Of course I mean it.’ Sean’s eyes showed hurt at that. ‘It’s just…’

‘What?’

‘I couldn’t share this with _Mac_.’

‘Yeah? Well, you better try sharing it with me, cuz I’m gonna keep at you til you tell me!’

‘I can’t, Lij.’ Strained to the point of tears, now. 

_Christ! What the hell_ is _it, can do this to Sean? He’s the most grounded guy I’ve ever met - he has solutions to problems you didn't know you had yet - and this is tearing him apart!_

‘Sure you can, Sean. How bad can it be? You robbed a bank? Broke the speed limit? Put a car wash token in the collection plate? What?’ Elijah saw his eyes crinkle slightly in the beginnings of the smile he was trying for, but they couldn’t fight off the sadness there.

No more gentle teasing, now. ‘Hey, man, I love you, you can tell me.’ _And you never spoke a truer word, Elwood!_ ‘Please, Sean. I want to help.’ 

Sean took a deep breath, then a gulp of his wine. He shut his eyes and said, ‘I know. ’ 

There was a long pause but Elijah could feel Sean was getting around to it, now. All he needed was time and space and a friend to listen. He sipped his own wine, and traced interlocking circles into the leather of the couch with one finger. He was beginning to think he’d drawn enough for a set of dwarf mail before Sean spoke again, low and expressionless.

‘I looked it up and it’s the first thing they tell you - that it happens to lots of guys, that it’s nothing to be ashamed of, that it happens to _all_ of us some time or other. It’s just—you just never think it’s going to be—’ He cleared his throat. ‘Medical term’s erectile dysfunction. It means—’

 _Jeez._ Elijah couldn’t imagine what that must be like. ‘I know what it means, Sean.’

But now he’d struggled to open up at all, Sean seemed to need to make himself admit to it, aloud. He couldn’t look at Elijah, though. He swirled the wine around in his glass and kept his eyes fixed on the shiver of golden light dancing over his shirt, the couch, Elijah’s hand. ‘Means I can’t get it up. Hell, the only time I can get a hard on is when I’m asleep. All’s fine and dandy when I’m out of it, and I wake up and think ‘Great, back on track!’ but it goes down like— like a fucking _balloon_ as soon as the thought crosses my mind, and you know that’d be _funny_ if—’ He choked. ‘I used to think it was something weird if a man couldn’t make it, like he was—’ 

‘Well, isn’t that sort of a good sign?’

Sean turned to stare at him, disbelief and _How can you be so fucking insensitive?_ written all over his face. ‘ _A good sign?_ What the fuck does that mean?’

‘Sean, think about it. If you can still get it up at all, even if you can’t _keep_ it, doesn’t that indicate at least it’s not anything really serious, like needing surgery serious?’ 

The disbelief changed to respect. ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’

‘Well, I told you two brains‘d be better than one. 'Course, it helps considerably when one of ‘em’s mine - makes up for the drawback of the other being yours!’ He waited for the mock punch to his arm, but it never came. Sean had gone back to staring at the ceiling. 

‘Have you seen a doctor?’

‘No.’

‘Why not, Sean? You made me—’

‘ _No,_ alright? I—I just—I keep hoping—I can hardly talk about it to _you_. Besides, I don't just want fucking Viagra. I want to—to be able to _feel_ again!’

 _God, the pain in that! What the hell can I say?_ ‘Maybe you’re too close to the problem to think straight, Sean. A different perspective could be what’s needed.’ 

Elijah was fairly certain stress was usually a factor, but the stress they were under was far less now—press junkets apart—than the relentless, endless strain of principal photography. Pick-ups were hard because of getting back into the feel of it, but they were short term. And the new projects coming along because of the success of Rings were just that: new—challenges, and Sean had never turned down a challenge yet. But what the fuck did _he_ know about something like this? He’d never had to face it—quite the opposite, when he let himself think about Sean.

Sean didn’t answer at first, and where their shoulders rested together on the couch back, Elijah could feel the tension coiled tight. After a while, Sean said ‘The worst thing is how frustrated you get.’ His voice was sharp-edged with the hurt of it. ‘You get to the point where it’s like your skin is on fire with needing to come and you could scream—and still there’s nothing.’

Elijah thought he could empathize with that, at least—something like your skin burning to be touched by the one person you could never have. _Don’t go there, Elwood, this is not about you._

‘How—how’s Chris taking it?'

‘She isn’t. She thinks I have a mistress.’

‘She _what?_ I can’t believe it! Fuck it all, Sean, surely she knows you better than that?’

‘It’s the standard cliché—it’s what wives and partners always think when their men don’t—don't perform at home.’

‘That is so fucking unfair! Tell her, for godsake.’ Elijah didn’t need the words, the details, to know how much Sean was hurting. This had to be every man’s worst nightmare, right? How could it happen to Sean, who'd always seemed to have the perfect homelife, the perfect marriage? And how the fuck could Chris be so unsympathetic in this? Shouldn’t she be hurting with him, for him, instead of suspecting Sean, who had never— 

‘ _No!_ I—No!’ A taut, almost-shout, then calmer, tired. ‘Doesn’t matter anyway. We weren't really—getting along, before.’

‘Oh?’ _Leave it—not the time._

‘Porn doesn’t help at all? Magazines, movies, internet stuff?’ The look Sean gave him was answer enough. ‘Okay, okay! Just covering all the bases here.’

He refilled their glasses, and tried again.

‘Have you thought—have you ever thought of trying with a real person, not Chris? Like it always seems easier when you know you really shouldn’t?’ _Easier and harder and faster_. And Sean really didn’t need to know how he knew it was true; how he knew the hardest thing was having to keep the wrong name off your lips when you came.

There was a silence. 

_What wouldn’t you give for it to be you, Elijah? For_ you _to be the one to help Sean get off when he needs it so bad?_

Did Sean need it _that_ badly, though? He could hardly _tell_ him about it, how likely would he be to accept help of the kind Elijah wanted so much to give? It was a wild and reckless idea, that Sean would—that _he_ could—that Sean might—

Elijah realized he was going to do this. He was going to offer to help Sean—just to see if perhaps a hand not his own would work. Nothing more. 

_Yeah, right._

_It’s not wrong if I’m helping him._

_Yeah?_

_Just for Sean._

_Right. And you get nothing out of it at all? Riiiight._

_But he doesn’t need to know that. So long as it helps take away Sean’s pain—_

Suddenly he was shaken out of his stupid internal debate by Sean’s voice. 

‘Yes.’

 _‘Yes?_ You—’ Elijah swallowed the sudden stab of misery. ‘You went with someone _else?_ ’ 

If he’d heard it from anyone other than Sean, he’d’ve had to stop himself from punching them—he just wouldn’t have believed it. And he would never have believed how deep one little word could cut, how much raging jealousy it could set loose. It was wrong to be jealous of Chris, but he coped with that because he had to. Sean was Chris’s husband and she had rights he never would have. But _another_ woman? _Who?_ was on his lips, but he didn’t ask, didn’t really want a name for the bitch who had stolen Sean from him and Chris both.

‘Almost.’ Sean kept his head back on the couch, eyes closed now. ‘I—I booked into a hotel and rang one of those exclusive escort agency things. Confidentiality guaranteed.’

‘Yeah? How does that work?’ He didn’t really want to know how Sean had gotten himself a high-class hooker, but he did need that _almost_ explained.

‘You just call, and describe the sort of woman you—want. Pay by credit card in advance over the phone, and they even have a bland billing name to look nicely innocuous on your statement.’ His voice was somber, resigned, automatic.

Elijah couldn’t help it. He blurted out, ‘I can’t believe you did that, Sean. I’d have thought—’ then caught himself. _Don’t need to go hurting him any more, Elwood, just cuz_ you _hurt._

‘What?’

‘It’s just—I’d have thought your principles wouldn’t let you.’ It wasn’t only the jealousy; he knew Sean, realized how very desperate he must have been to do such a thing. It was not only unfaithful but exploitative too.

‘Yeah, well, I wondered myself, but when it came down to it, it was—it was entirely academic.' He took a deep breath. 'She was very kind and understanding, and—and she did her best to help, but—it was no good. I couldn’t. Maybe those principles, kicking in at last—I don’t know. There was just—nothing. Zero, zip, zilch. My heart wasn’t in it and my cock might as well not have been there at all.’ He swigged the rest of his wine as though it was water, and when he set his glass on the coffee table, it rattled with the shaking of his hand. 

Elijah's eyes filled with tears; there was so much pain in the way Sean told it against himself.

More deep breaths, and Sean was visibly gathering himself together, now. He said in a studiously light tone, ‘She was a nice young lady, though. Her day job, she’s a student, paying her way through college - sociology. That was why she signed on with the agency - research for her PhD thesis, believe it or not - well, that and the money. Education doesn’t come cheap, and nor do top class escorts.’ His voice became easier as he talked, as he got further away from the reason for this story. ‘She told me quite a lot about the sex industry. You know, Lij, they spend ninety per cent of their time with a client, just talking? Like an advice service, sort of, she said, and quite a few of the men she meets have prob—’ Sean stopped suddenly. Elijah’s shoulder was shaking against his. ‘Lijah?’

Elijah stared upward, trying very hard to keep a straight face. One look at Sean’s open, puzzled expression as he turned to him, though, and the dam burst – he could no more stop himself from laughing than he could fly. He rocked forward, and Sean grabbed his glass from him, just before the wine went to waste, to set it by his own.

It was the relief, mostly - relief that there was no other woman taking what he could never have. And he’d always been able to make Sean laugh, just by laughing himself. Sean called his giggle infectious, though Pete had complained it was more like a deadly disease, spreading through the crew like wildfire when a giggle fit struck just as the cameras were about to roll.

Sean was sitting up now, a genuine smile on his own lips. ‘Hey, Ringboy, this is supposed to be serious, you know?’ He poked expertly, knowing exactly where Elijah was most ticklish.

‘No-oo!’ Elijah gasped. ‘S-serious, remember?’ 

‘Well, you’re the one who’s stomping all over my tender masculine sensibilities here, buddy!’ But Sean was laughing too, and he hooked his arm around Elijah’s neck to bump their foreheads together lightly. 

Elijah sobered immediately. ‘I’m sorry. It was just so _you,_ Sean – still interested in people and new things, learning even while you were hurting. I bet she thought you were the nicest, most intelligent client she never had!’ His fingers on Sean’s face were only meant to underline the words, but Sean was so close that somehow touch became caress as the eyes and the fingers got all tangled up with the pictures in his head and that deep spike of hurt, when he’d thought Sean had—

‘Jesus, Lij, stop that!’

_Stop it? All I’m doing is—_

‘Why?’ _Oh!_

 _‘Why?_ Because—because I don’t need another hard-on that goes nowhere. Please, Lijah, stop it?’

‘Sean, if my touching your face is making you hard, couldn’t we just see if…’ He stroked his hand slowly down Sean’s body, giving him time to resist, to shove Elijah away if he was disgusted at the thought. 

But Sean held still, his breath catching, eyes locked onto Elijah’s, and Elijah let his hand curve and gently hold where Sean’s cock was already rising to meet him. As his fingers settled into a slow rhythm, Sean’s eyes drifted shut, consent clear in his hesitant upward push, and Elijah held more firmly now, quickening his pace. He watched Sean’s face set into fierce concentration and knew he was willing this not to stop, fearful he would lose it once again. 

_He’s thinking too much, gotta stop him!_ Elijah tilted his head, just enough for his mouth to brush Sean’s with the beginnings of a kiss. When Sean didn’t respond, Elijah whispered, ‘Please?’ and ran his tongue lightly over the seam of Sean’s lips. 

He waited an eternity of seconds before Sean groaned and opened to him - and nothing Elijah had ever dreamed could match the sweetness and desperation of Sean’s kiss. He almost forgot it was a distraction for Sean, he was so distracted by Sean’s tongue lapping his, Sean suckling at his bottom lip, Sean’s face softening into sensuality. It was Elijah who broke the kiss - to breathe, and to force himself back to his plan of helping Sean, taking nothing, only giving. He guided Sean gently down onto the couch, to lie beside him, whispering, ‘Patience!’ and wondering – yes, Sean’s ear _was_ very sensitive; alternately trailing his tongue and huffing little breaths kept Sean from moaning too hard at his loss, as Elijah moved his hand to deal with snap and zipper, and push away pants and boxers. 

A deeper groan, throaty - relief and wanting in one needy sound - as Elijah eased Sean’s cock, full and heavy, already leaking, into his hand. He moved quicker now, working warm, sueded skin fierce and fast over solid need, as Sean squirmed beneath him, panting, ‘Lij — Lijah — Lij — Lijah —’ to every stroke, intensity rising to its certain end, his hands clutching empty and helpless under Elijah’s determined, loving touch. 

Every move he knew to make, every stroke of his thumb spreading wet warmth, every tease of his fingers under the ridge, around the slit, each sidelong twist and tug - every skill Elijah had ever learned seemed only for this, to draw Sean inexorably to the edge. He skimmed kisses over Sean's face, his ear, his neck, wherever he could reach, flickery caresses and tiny, nibbling bites, his breath hissing out Sean's name between each one. And when Sean tensed into the sharp-sweet agony of climax, Elijah found a wild triumph that had nothing to do with sex, only that Sean had accepted his gift of love—

_‘Lijah!’_

—and was perfect in his moment of release.

Elijah lay down against Sean’s shoulder and tried to quiet his own breathing, willing his cock to give up its demand for attention it wasn’t going to get. This was for Sean, only for Sean, and Sean had to know Elijah understood, that he knew it had only been Sean getting carried away by _feeling_ again; that Elijah wasn’t asking for anything beyond that one kiss that was so right even if it was wrong, because it was the only kiss they would ever share. 

He felt Sean's body shake in a great sigh, and lifted his head. Sean's eyes were closed, tears seeping from beneath his lashes, and guilt screamed loud in Elijah’s head. _Jesus, I’ve screwed him up worse than ever!_

‘Sean, you ok? I’m sorry, man, I shouldn’t—’ But Sean's hand fumbled upward to stop his words, fingers pressing gently to Elijah’s lips.

‘Lijah? Thank you.’ His voice was slow and heavy, as though he was still caught fast in the last quivering aftershocks.

‘Any t—’ _Stupid!_ Might be the right thing to say for the sort of help-in-trouble, there-for-each-other PJ had asked for; for stuff like rescuing you when you were locked out, giving you a lift somewhere, carrying you so you could save the world. This definitely did _not_ count as an _any time_ for your straight, _married_ best friend.

‘Any time? Don’t think you meant that, Lij.’ Sean’s eyes opened now, red rims drawing out the green from brown. Tears glistened gold in his lashes, their tracks shining in the crinkled laugh lines Elijah loved so much.

‘Yes. Yes, I do, if you need it - need me.’ In all the time they had known each other, Sean had been his Sam, had given him so much time and care - and love, in every other way but this. Being able to give Sean what he needed so desperately had touched Elijah more than he could ever say. And he knew that at this moment he owed Sean truth above all, even if Sean didn’t know it as such. Just as Frodo kissed Sam at the Havens, he leaned to kiss Sean’s brow, and said softly, ‘I love you, Sean.’

As he started to pull back, he was startled by Sean’s fingers, gliding slowly up his cheek. ‘Love you too, Elijah - always have, but this is different.’

‘I know. I’m sorry, I’ll—’ But he couldn’t move, held by Sean’s stillness, by the sudden darkness of those eyes.

‘Don’t be sorry, I’m not. I didn’t know,’ the fingers threaded Elijah’s hair now, tugging gently, ‘that different could mean _you_.’ And Sean pulled him down until their lips met and parted into the kiss Elijah had thought he could never have. 

Sean had a sated tang to him, now, redolent of everything Elijah wanted, had wanted for so long. This time the desperation and the raging desire were all his, and he writhed frantically against Sean’s hip, his cock straining painfully inside his jeans, his balls so tight, he knew he was—

When Sean ended the kiss and pushed Elijah back, he moaned his distress - he couldn’t stop now, not again. ‘No, please, Sean, please, I _can’t—_ ’ His face twisted in frustration, and the yearning that stretched back into years would no longer be checked, not now he knew Sean's taste, the softness of his lips, the feel of him under his hand. 

Sean smiled wryly. ‘I know,’ he said, working at buttons, pushing denim and thin cotton carefully out of his way. ‘But, my impatient one, it will be so much better like _this_.’ His smile faded, and he whispered, ‘I need to touch you, Elijah.’

Elijah shuddered as Sean’s hand closed warm around him, its circle so tight and insistent, claiming his cock with a certainty he had only dreamed, that it took him in a sudden firestorm, an explosion of lightning and stars, to a completion he had never found in this before.

When he finally opened his eyes, shattered, wonderfully satisfied, Sean was smiling down at him. The light still caught in tears on his lashes, but now it was dancing with Elijah’s heart.

‘Never did that for anybody else!’ Sean said. ‘I guess I got it right, though?’

‘Fuck, yeah! Sean, are you ok?’

‘Better than ok.’ His kiss was gentle, full of tenderness. ‘You don’t know what you did for me, Lij. Aside from the obvious!'

‘Well, that too, but I meant—’ He dragged one finger slowly up Sean’s inner thigh, and watched in delight as his cock stirred.

‘You trying to kill me, Ringboy?’ But there was more of pride and promise in the words than complaint.

‘I was so afraid you’d hate me for it, Sean, for wanting you.’

‘I wanted you, too – I can see it now, but,' he shook his head, 'it was like I knew there was something wrong, something missing - just no idea what. I didn’t know it was you, Elijah. I think you sort of sidled into my soul when I wasn’t looking.’

‘I didn’t realise how much I loved you, Sean, not until until after Rings, when I couldn’t see you every day. Suddenly there was a Sean-shaped hole in my life, and it hurt so much.’ 

Sean said nothing for a while, just held him close. His hands were sure and slow on Elijah's back or stroking his face, touching simply for closeness, though Elijah could already feel the first flutter of desire in his mind, before the stirring of his cock. Nothing urgent about it, not the sharp, almost painful lust he’d suppressed for so long; this was a comfortable, sleepy craving, as yet, with real hope of fulfilment before too long. But he could tell Sean was already wondering what happened next, what waited for them in the real world beyond each other’s arms. He had to know Elijah understood, that he accepted even _this_ could not change the way things were. 

‘Lij, I don’t know what—’

‘S’ok, Sean, I know. You don’t have to feel you have to—I wouldn’t want to risk what you have, Chris and the girls. You mustn't—’

‘Shhh. Can’t think about it right now. Too big - too new to deal with, yet. I do know I can’t lose you now I’ve found you. What say we go to bed and start worrying about it tomorrow?’

‘You’ll stay with me?’

‘You’re throwing me out?’

~#~

Elijah aimed the towel vaguely in the direction of the bathroom and slid into bed, reaching for Sean’s freshly-showered, slightly damp body. ‘Snuggle me, Sam!’ He burrowed as tightly into Sean’s arms as he possibly could, then raised his head for a confession. ‘You have no idea how jealous I was of that hooker, Sean. How _girly_ is that?’

'Mmm? Well, not sure I should tell you this—’

‘What?’

You know who I asked that agency to send?’ His fingers cruised lightly over Elijah’s body, and the tingle of arousal was no longer sleepy. ‘Someone dark-haired and slim, fine-boned and—’ Sean whispered the words onto skin, ‘—and very, _very_ beautiful, my Elijah.’

‘Yeah?’ Elijah choked it out, his throat was so tight, so full. _Was he really looking for me, all the time?_

‘Mm hmm. With big blue eyes. Now, how _Freudian_ is _that?_ ’ 

And Sean smiled into their kiss.

[](http://www.statcounter.com/)

November 2004

**Author's Note:**

> Medical details are correct if the places I researched them told the truth. Causes of ED can be many and various but confusion about/suppression of sexuality may be one. According to a recently published book (which was what set this story off in the first place) a call girl’s job really _can_ involve services as described.
> 
> With sincere apologies to Sean, though such things do happen; if ever it should happen to him, I'd like to think that Elijah _would_ be there for him…
> 
> My first ever completed S/E


End file.
